Conflict: five responses and the mediator role
Step 1 / 3·Five responses to conflict
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Learning objectives — after this module you will:
- Recognise the five responses to conflict
- Choose by situation rather than by habit
- Mediate a dispute between two team members
Five responses to conflict
Recognise your own default style.
The Thomas–Kilmann model arranges five conflict responses on two axes: how far you pursue YOUR OWN concerns, and how far you attend to THE OTHER PERSON'S concerns.
The key point: no style is best. Each suits a different kind of situation. The problem is that most of us have only one or two defaults and apply them to everything, including situations where they do not fit.
When to use which
| Style | Right when | Dangerous when overused |
|---|---|---|
| Competing | Emergencies, safety matters, or a principle that cannot be traded | The team stops telling you the truth because arguing is pointless |
| Collaborating | Important issues, long-term relationships, where both sides must genuinely commit | Burning time on small things that should just be decided |
| Compromising | A quick decision is needed, both sides are evenly matched, a workable middle exists | Nobody is really satisfied and the root issue returns later |
| Avoiding | Small matters, or when both sides are too hot and need time | The issue accumulates and erupts at a much larger scale |
| Accommodating | You are wrong, or the relationship matters more than this particular outcome | People learn that pushing hard makes you yield |
A self-diagnosis question
Recall the last three conflicts you were in. Which style did you use? If all three were the same, that is your default — and it was almost certainly applied to at least one situation where it did not fit.
Key takeaway: Five styles, none best — the problem is applying one default to every situation.