Talk about behaviour, not about who someone is
Step 1 / 3·Observation and interpretation
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Learning objectives — after this module you will:
- Separate what you OBSERVED from what you INFERRED
- Use SBI: Situation – Behavior – Impact
- Open a feedback conversation without triggering defensiveness
Observation and interpretation
Find the line that most feedback crosses without noticing.
Feedback that makes people defensive almost always does so for the same reason: it talks about the PERSON rather than the BEHAVIOUR. 'You lack initiative' is a conclusion about character. 'In three meetings this week you did not raise a point until I called on you' is an observation.
The difference is not politeness. Observations are verifiable — two people in the same room would report the same thing. Interpretations are not: they are the story you built to explain the observation, and they are very often wrong. Someone silent may lack initiative, or may have raised two points earlier and been brushed aside.
One event, two ways to describe it
Interpretation (labelling)
“'You don't care about quality.'”
A conclusion about the person. Unverifiable, unfixable, and almost certain to trigger self-defence — because you just made a statement about who they ARE.
Observation (describing)
“'Yesterday's client quote had three number errors in the totals.'”
A verifiable fact. They can confirm it or add context, and what needs fixing is obvious.
A five-second self-test
Before you speak, ask: 'If a camera had been running, would it have caught what I am about to say?' A camera catches 'two days late', 'three number errors', 'interrupted twice'. A camera does not catch 'irresponsible', 'not coachable', 'bad attitude'.
Key takeaway: A camera catches behaviour, not character — only say what the camera caught.